(For Throwback Thursday, I wanted to share this article from the May 7, 1970, issue of Online Travel Review – then called Line Travel Review)
Other newsletter writers are afraid to tell it like it is, instead pushing inferior affiliate links for credit card offers that aren’t as good as other offers that are widely available. Everyone knows that Braniff Visa offer that everyone was pushing last month wasn’t as good as the widely available Mercedes Benz Braniff Visa card. And I know it sounds like the boy who cried wolf when they come out and say, “ooh, you better apply for your Eastern Airlines card now because the bonus offer is going to drop at midnight on May 31st.” But I am the only newsletter author out there who is not afraid to really take a stand, and that’s what I’m going to do today:
You have to – HAVE TO – apply for the Pan Am Take Off(tm) Credit Card right now. Stop what you’re doing. Do not finish the application for the Chase Manhattan Bank Ink Bold. Don’t. Tear yourselves away from the pamphlets about how to spend those 10,000 extra bonus points. Just stop. This is really, truly your last chance.
The Pan Am Take Off(tm) credit card is, according to the ad below, the only travel card you’ll need. And I agree! And they’re totally not paying me $350 an application to tell you that.
Benefits of the Card
As the ad below notes:
– It comes in green for women and yellow for men. Always important so you know which you are.
– It’s a guaranteed credit reference at Pan Am offices overseas so you can cash a check for up to $100 (one hundred!) US dollars.
– It’s a doctor’s authorization to accept your personal check (I don’t know what that means)
– You can get a $50 cash advance overseas for NO CHARGE!
When Will This Card Disappear?
Um, like never? I mean, what on earth could happen to Pan Am? It’s the biggest freakin’ airline in the world…it’ll be around forever! And while you don’t earn any bonus miles because frequent flyer programs (what’re those???) won’t be invented for another 10 years, how else are you going to get a $50 FREE cash advance when you’re overseas?
So why am I telling you to get this card now, even though the offer has been around for years? Because it might go away at some point in the future! And do you want to be THAT asshole who DIDN’T take advantage of this offer? I mean, we just put a man on the freakin’ moon….it’s only a matter of time before Pan Am is sending travelers up there. And how are you going to buy a ticket to get to the moon on Pan Am? Using a North Central Airlines BankAmericard? Hells to the no! They’re not going to accept that. Well sure, they might if you want a COACH seat to the moon. But you bet your sweet ass they’re gonna serve me some Krug in business class when I fly to the moon, and THAT’S gonna be like a $3,000 ticket that I’m gonna get for free because I have the Pan Am Take Off(tm) Credit Card.
3 months ago the authors of the newsletter A Wing And A Prayer said that you should get this credit card now because it was going to disappear in a few weeks. They were a BUNCH OF MORONS and I told them so in a tersely written letter to the editor. But now I’m coming out and telling you that IF YOU DO NOT GET THIS CARD TODAY – TO-FREAKIN-DAY – YOU ARE NOT WORTH THE GLASS OF TANG THEY’LL BE SERVING ON THE PAN AM MOON SERVICE. You should rot in hell.
I reached out to a Pan Am representative this morning via courier to find out the end date of this offer, and I hope to receive a letter back from them in 4-6 weeks with the end date. But until I have that exact end date, I’m going to tell you to hurry the hell up and mail in an application. Yeah, this offer has been around, and yeah it’ll certainly be back, and yeah pretty much all of those benefits are widely available without this special offer, but I’m telling you – and I’m only going to tell you this once – you are missing the opportunity of a lifetime if you don’t get your application in for this Pan Am Take Off(tm) Credit Card now.
Pssst. Come here. You. Yes, you. We’re friends, right? Friends share things, right? Like I share all of these pictures of the abso-freakin-lutely awesome champagne-drenched flights I take with the benefits from this card, right? You love that. If you want to have a giant-ass recliner seat on a 747 to Pago Pago, and I know you do, I have only one question: What do I have to do to get you into a shiny new Pan Am Take Off(tm) Credit Card today? Do you want me to list 25 ways to use the card? Would that help? Would you like me to compare it (favorably, of course) to some of the other cards out there? Would that help? Would it help if I showed you pictures of some of the hotel rooms I’ve booked using the credit card? Would that help? What in God’s name would it take for me to get you to understand that I’m not – NOT – screwing around anymore, and that you have to get this card? Have to. That’s it. Get it. Get. Get the card. End of discussion.
The opinions here are mine. The content is not provided by Manufacturer’s Hanover, Chase Manhattan Bank, or The Money Store.