Review of the Amex Centurion Lounge in Las Vegas

I headed back from Las Vegas yesterday and I thought I’d stop in the Amex Centurion Lounge there after I read online reviews that described the place as “stunning,” and “feels like being in a art gallery, with “unique culinary experiences.” That’s one hell of a goddamned lounge! I can’t turn down a visit to such as paradise. I can say only that none of those reviews fully captures the breathtaking breathlessness you’ll have when you enter the Centurion Lounge at Las Vegas. Speaking of entering, the incredible design team created an entranceway that not only serves as an entrance, but also, get this, serves as the exit. Yes, the space you enter is the VERY SAME space that you exit. Incredible! When you walk in, you’ll be greeted by a human employee who addresses you by name, “Hey Steve,” she said to me, “may I please have your Amex card?” (See, you need an Amex Platinum or Centurion card to enter). Then she added, “And may I see your boarding card?” Hilarious! Finally, after I managed to catch my breath she finished up with, “And now do you have an ID?” Go find THAT at a Delta Lounge! I walked in and was greeted by a floor that prevented all of the visitors from falling through and landing on the tarmac 20 feet below. Some of the floor was covered in tiles and others were covered by carpet, which engulfed the bottoms of my shoes in pure luxury. I felt like an angel floating through clouds! Clouds made out of industrial carpet! I chose from the many available tables. Now, I say “table” but that doesn’t really do justice to the area in which I sat. You know how some tables are just for “dining” and other tables are for “kitchen” while others are for “coffee”? I could put almost anything I wanted on these tables! It’s hard to put a label on such a table when it handled coffee, my bag, my ass, a napkin, and a one dollar bill with equal aplomb. I ask my readers, what do YOU like to put on a table? I lifted my ass from the table and headed over to the big buffet which was stocked with delicacies from around the globe. There was meat that was originally part of a cow that lived in Kansas until it was lifted up by its hind quarters, stunned with a pipe, had its throat slit, blood drained, disemboweled, had its carcass cut up, vacuum sealed, shipped to Las Vegas, then fried up in a pan and served to me, hamburger style! And there was a chicken quesadilla representing the finest cuisine both from Mexico, and Arkansas, which is home to the Tyson Chicken company, and was home to this chicken before they injected it with antibiotics, grew it to 6 pounds in 3 1/2 days, killed it and chopped it up so that it could end up inside my quesadilla. Delish! But the best part, perhaps, was the bathrooms. First of all, they had showers, which is incredible because I typically use a bucket and a rag on a stick at home to bathe myself, so this was luxury redefined. Also, I do like to make sure the rooms where I shower are only populated by people who have an Amex Platinum card. Second, I thanked God that I was a man because while (it is my understanding) women only have toilets in their bathrooms, the Amex Centurion Lounge at Las Vegas provided visiting gentlemen with a choice — they could choose to use the toilets provided (just like the ones in the women’s bathroom) or they could use one of the 3 urinals the bathroom has on offer. It was a really tough call for me – do I enjoy a few relaxing minutes of alone time on the toilet, or do I quickly zip in and zip out with the urinal so that I could head back to the buffet and partake in some dessert? I did both! All-in-all I would highly recommend the Amex Centurion Lounge at Las Vegas to all travelers. What do you think?

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