Review of the Amex Centurion Lounge in Las Vegas

I headed back from Las Vegas yesterday and I thought I’d stop in the Amex Centurion Lounge there after I read online reviews that described the place as “stunning,” and “feels like being in a art gallery, with “unique culinary experiences.” That’s one hell of a goddamned lounge! I can’t turn down a visit to such as paradise.

I can say only that none of those reviews fully captures the breathtaking breathlessness you’ll have when you enter the Centurion Lounge at Las Vegas.

Speaking of entering, the incredible design team created an entranceway that not only serves as an entrance, but also, get this, serves as the exit. Yes, the space you enter is the VERY SAME space that you exit. Incredible!

When you walk in, you’ll be greeted by a human employee who addresses you by name, “Hey Steve,” she said to me, “may I please have your Amex card?” (See, you need an Amex Platinum or Centurion card to enter). Then she added, “And may I see your boarding card?” Hilarious! Finally, after I managed to catch my breath she finished up with, “And now do you have an ID?” Go find THAT at a Delta Lounge!

I walked in and was greeted by a floor that prevented all of the visitors from falling through and landing on the tarmac 20 feet below. Some of the floor was covered in tiles and others were covered by carpet, which engulfed the bottoms of my shoes in pure luxury. I felt like an angel floating through clouds! Clouds made out of industrial carpet!

I chose from the many available tables. Now, I say “table” but that doesn’t really do justice to the area in which I sat. You know how some tables are just for “dining” and other tables are for “kitchen” while others are for “coffee”? I could put almost anything I wanted on these tables! It’s hard to put a label on such a table when it handled coffee, my bag, my ass, a napkin, and a one dollar bill with equal aplomb. I ask my readers, what do YOU like to put on a table?

I lifted my ass from the table and headed over to the big buffet which was stocked with delicacies from around the globe. There was meat that was originally part of a cow that lived in Kansas until it was lifted up by its hind quarters, stunned with a pipe, had its throat slit, blood drained, disemboweled, had its carcass cut up, vacuum sealed, shipped to Las Vegas, then fried up in a pan and served to me, hamburger style! And there was a chicken quesadilla representing the finest cuisine both from Mexico, and Arkansas, which is home to the Tyson Chicken company, and was home to this chicken before they injected it with antibiotics, grew it to 6 pounds in 3 1/2 days, killed it and chopped it up so that it could end up inside my quesadilla. Delish!

But the best part, perhaps, was the bathrooms. First of all, they had showers, which is incredible because I typically use a bucket and a rag on a stick at home to bathe myself, so this was luxury redefined. Also, I do like to make sure the rooms where I shower are only populated by people who have an Amex Platinum card.

Second, I thanked God that I was a man because while (it is my understanding) women only have toilets in their bathrooms, the Amex Centurion Lounge at Las Vegas provided visiting gentlemen with a choice — they could choose to use the toilets provided (just like the ones in the women’s bathroom) or they could use one of the 3 urinals the bathroom has on offer. It was a really tough call for me – do I enjoy a few relaxing minutes of alone time on the toilet, or do I quickly zip in and zip out with the urinal so that I could head back to the buffet and partake in some dessert? I did both!

All-in-all I would highly recommend the Amex Centurion Lounge at Las Vegas to all travelers.

What do you think?


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19 Comments.

  1. I thin you have a future as a copy writer. Maybe you should try your hand at marketing.

  2. Funny guy. :-)

    But how did you feel it compared to other rooms with floors, carpet, tile, and multipurpose tables?

    I do think it is possible for:
    * A space to be aesthetically appealing or unappealing (and gradations in between)

    * A lounge to have food or no food, and those with food can have better and worse food. Surely you distinguish between foods you like, ingredients you like, and flavors you like outside of a lounge, yes?

    * A lounge can be crowded or uncrowded, quiet or noisy.

    * It can have cocktails or not, they can have various tastes, they can be provided complimentary with lounge admittance or charged.

    Lots of things that distinguish one room with carpet and another.

    If you disagree, there are a handful of lounges around South America, Italy, Pakistan, and Africa that I’d like your take on. ;)

  3. I like your style. Will you be visiting the Centurion DFW next?

  4. I eagerly await parts 2-814 of your trip report Million Mile Travel Review

  5. Brilliantly funny!
    You should do more of these you, develop this part of your blogging personality!

    Oh, I am done with quesadillas…DONE! :smile:

  6. Well done, sir. Now just wait til you see the one at DFW. ;)

  7. Giddy for Points

    This is hilarious! Can’t wait for the other reviews ;)

  8. Wonderful review, but no CC sign-up link for the Amex Platinum card?

  9. Ha ah, great post! I originally skipped this due to the title (I didn’t think that I’d want to read yet another lounge review). I’m glad that George highlighted it in his TBB post!

  10. Keep the laughs coming! There are just as many “unique culinary experiences” at the Golden Corral.

  11. I am so grateful that I will be able to continue to partake of this awesomeness having paid my $450/year. I like to put my platinum card on a table made out of recycled cut-up platinum cards that others have cancelled.

  12. OMG, tables! I love tables!

  13. You are so cruel! I have never been in a lounge. My kids and I usually find ample space to run wildly through empty airport corridors and areas where no flights are leaving to park comfortably. It’s called thinking outside the lounge…. I even find that the Starbucks hot cocoa is okay outside the lounge where I’ve been stuck for 38+ years. When I was at LAS the other day and bought my Burger King and lamented loudly that it was the most expensive BK on the planet the Asian worker who I couldn’t understand 2 seconds earlier said: I KNOW! Probably cheaper for me to get an AMEX Platinum so I can get free food next time.

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