Dear Person Sitting Next to Me,
It is absolutely a marvel of technology that people around the world can Facetime each other. Amazing, no? You can have a video conversation for free with someone who (apparently) is in Israel while you’re in the airport in New York. That is just the most amazing thing, no.
You know what else is amazing? How AMAZINGLY RUDE it is to have a conversation over Facetime at full volume in a roomful of people.
I’m truly happy about your nephew’s Bar Mitzvah in Jerusalem, and about the family’s preparation for “Purim in Yerushalayim” as the person on the other end keeps saying. Really, that is wonderful.
You know what else is wonderful? Me not listening to you blabbering to your grandkids for 25 minutes.
Oh wait, it’s Jack’s birthday? Ohhhh, that completely excuses how unbelievably inappropriate it is for you to have this conversation at full blast (remember, with Facetime EVERYONE ELSE can hear both sides of the conversation). But you said how happy you were that he was able to celebrate the birthday with you over Facetime.
You know what else is happy? Me, when they call your flight so you’re no longer sitting next to me.
It just got better! She’s repeating the whole conversation to her husband, who was SITTING NEXT TO HER, as if he did not just hear the entire thing (which would be impossible, as both of us are 2 feet from her and heard every “wait – you’re breaking up!”.
Whew, she had to go to the bathroom. Finally some peace.