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A Word about Children on Airplanes

I flew down to Florida a few days ago and I was seated next to my 2 5-year-old children. I was seated behind 2 small children. And in front of 2 small children. And across the aisle from 2 small children. That’s what happens when you fly to Florida from New York on Christmas Eve.

Florida flights are funny, because they are really unlike any other domestic trip. A Chicago-to-Kansas City flight on a Monday morning is primarily businessfolk, who board quickly and quietly (assuming they’re not yapping on cellphones) and the cabin is quiet enough to nap in at 7am.

A South Florida-bound flight is chock-a-block with the older folks, the much much younger folks, and their exasperated parents. Continental, which usually leaves 30 minutes to board a domestic flight, allows for 45 minutes for the Florida flights, presumably because the older folks walk slower, require wheelchairs, complain, etc. Unaccompanied minors being sent off to Grandma also require some extra time. And those who fit into none of those categories know to wait until the last second to get on the plane because, let’s be honest, who wants to be surrounded by children and old people?

As roughly 80% of the passengers on the 757-300 were traveling with young children I was thinking about those who suggest that there should be a “family” ghetto (er, “section”) on planes. To that, I say this: Get over yourself. We all have annoying quirks and tendencies. I don’t want to listen to you yap to your co-workers when we’re sitting at the gate. Perhaps you’d like a section of the plane. I don’t like people who bring tuna sandwiches. Or Yankees fans. We all have our issues. So for those of you who want a family section, you are welcome to create one when you fly private.

With that, I’ve created what I think is a helpful mockup of where everyone on the plane should sit.

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  1. Thanks for the laugh. Can we add a section for people who don’t know boundaries?

  2. too funny

  3. LOL, that was great! OK, I’ll even put up with the screaming kids if I can just be seated AWAY from people using in-flight airsickness bags. That’s the one thing I really can’t handle. :???:

  4. This is too funny!

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