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Top 5 Friday: Top 5 People You Don’t Want to Sit Next to on a Plane

We’ve all had miserable seatmates on flights, so I thought I’d share the Top 5 People You Don’t Want to Sit Next to on a Plane:

1) The Catapulter.  Stands up, grabs your seat for leverage, lets go, flings you forward like a slingshot.

2) The Yapper.  Hi.  Where you going?  I don’t fly much, but I’m going to see my mom in Tulsa.  Just go bout once a year.  You fly a lot?  Oh really?  Yeah, I voted for Bush twice…

3) The Snorer.  I find that the more, um, exotic, the flight, the worse the snoring.  I’ve never heard worse than on a 3:15 am flight from Delhi to Dubai.  It was like a tuberculosis ward in there.

4) The Tuna Fisher.  Used to be frequented only on flights to Florida, but now a ubiquitous species.  Brings food on board with a pungency that cannot be endured for 4 hours. Tuna is the primary culprit, but Whoppers seem to be popular now.

5) The Laptop Crusher.  I paid $49 for this flight and dammit I’ll recline as far back as I can.  Frequent kicking in the back can generally stave this off.  As can sneezing on their head.

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  1. You seem to think that your ability to use your laptop is more important than my ability to use the space allocated to me by the airline. I often don’t recline (I certainly don’t recline just because I can or to annoy someone behind me), and when I do recline, I do it slowly to avoid causing any harm to the person behind me. However, I do exercise my right to use the recline feature of the seat I paid for and you then start to behave in the way you described, you’d better be prepared to get in trouble for it.

    Quite frankly, I am surprised and disappointed about this part of your post.

  2. Being free to do something does not mean that it is considerate to do it. If there is no one sitting behind you, by all means, recline away. If there is someone sitting behind you and you jam the seat back into their laptop without bothering to apologize or perhaps keep the seat up an inch from there, you are exercising your right while at the same time being annoying. You’re free to bring stinky food on a plane, too, but I think that’s pretty inconsiderate.

  3. The one I don’t want to be next to is not listed here. The ultimate flight ruiner is a long haul flight next to “the odor monster” – super strong body odor, nostril burning perfume, stinky feet released from their shoe prison, and/or a constant procession of silent but deadly flatulence.

  4. Worse than the Whopper is the new Panda Express To Go inside security at the International Terminal at JFK. Nothing says awesome quite like the stink of Chinese fast food for 6 hours in a poorly ventilated metal tube.

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