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Frontier: Those Antlers Are Gonna Cost Ya

(Thanks to IAH-PHX for passing along the best story of the week)

Frontier has updated their list of fees they charge for various things (checked bags, unaccompanied minors, antlers) and they…um…wait. Did I just write “antlers?” Yes I did. Those bastards at Frontier are going to charge me $100 to send my antlers on the plane. The old $75 fee was fair. Now, they expect me to pay an extra $25 to bring my antlers. What am I supposed to do, leave them at home? Not travel without my antlers? But what if I find myself in a situation, as I do frequently, that requires antlers. Then what am I going to do? Go antler-less? I don’t think so. That doesn’t really sound like an option.

So I’m going to have to try to squeeze my antlers into the overhead bin, which would be fine on a 767 with nice overhead bins, but Frontier only flies narrowbodies, so that’s not a real possibility. And they don’t fit under the seat in front of me – not my antlers, anyway. Perhaps your antlers do, I dunno. So I’ll have to sneak them into my carry-on luggage, which is already chock-a-block with 3.7 oz tubes of contraband antler cream – I’m not sure it’s really going to fit in there.

One thought is to buy the antlers a ticket and send them as an unaccompanied minor (the fee is only $50), which is interesting, since Frontier seems to assume that the safety of my antlers are worth $50 more than the safety of my kids (which, depending on how much screaming they were doing that morning, may be true). Frontier had a pet-in-cabin fee, but they’ve apparently eliminated that. But what if you only have the antler part of the pet? Is that the whole pet? Would they have charged me the whole amount? Who knows. All I know is this: my antlers are getting a frequent flyer card on some other airline, because they’re not going to put up with this nickel and diming any longer.

Oh deer.

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  1. They just ran “the antler story” on CNBC!

  2. Give ’em a frequent flyer number, ’cause they’ll really rack up points.

  3. “So I’m going to have to try to squeeze my antlers into the overhead bin, which would be fine on a 767 with nice overhead bins, but Frontier only flies narrowbodies, so that’s not a real possibility. ”

    Actually, 767 overhead bins tend to be quite small.

  4. Yes, those are my readers.

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