Lighters Permitted Onboard

You may remember that the US government banned lighters from flights because they were deemed a security threat.  Well, they’ve changed their mind.  And you’ll be happy to know that they changed their mind because the Zippo lighter corporation called them and told them that their sales would drop.  And then the Zippo corporation called Rick Santorum, their pro-family-values senator, who lobbied on their behalf.  Then the law got changed.  So, in case you were wondering who is helping to decide US security policy, it is the Zippo lighter people.  Keep up the good work.


  1. I think Jared forgot to mention that Rick Santorum added a rider to the law that would allow airlines to deny boarding to homosexuals.

  2. huh huh, you said “rider.”