Meals at Mealtime

When you fly on Continental, Gordon Bethune, their CEO, appears on a little video introducing the flight, saying that they provide a wealth of amenities, not least of which is “meals at mealtime.” The Blogalot Theatre Players will now present a scene where Harry Hamlin will portray Michael Kuzak of LA Law cross-examining Mr. Bethune (played by Glen Campbell) in regards to the flight I took last evening from West Palm Beach to Newark.

Michael Kuzak: Good afternoon, Mr. Bethune.
Gordon Bethune: Good afternoon.
MK: Last night’s flight from West Palm Beach to Newark departed at 7:25 pm, did it not, sir?
GB: Yes, I believe it did.
MK: And what time would you say you eat dinner?
GB: Um, around 6 pm.
MK: May I remind you, sir, you are under oath.
GB: OK, around 7:30, 8 pm.
MK: And you would categorize dinner as a meal?
GB: Sometimes.
MK: Sometimes?
GB: OK, I will stipulate that dinner is a meal.
MK: And you would describe “meal time” as the time when you eat a meal, would you not?
GB: Yes, I would.
MK: Alas, then, 7:30 or 8pm is, in fact, mealtime.
GB: In some cases, yes.
MK: Then why, good sir, would you serve only drinks and pretzels in first class at mealtime.
GB: Well, I wouldn’t say that 7:25 is mealtime.
MK: Did you not just say that it was mealtime? I can have it read back to you.
GB: OK, yes it is mealtime. I admit it, I lied. Lied! I said we’d serve meals at mealtime and we served a snack (and a terrible one at that) at mealtime. I’m sorry!
MK: Isn’t the whole problem with the airline food situation that YOU JUST DON’T KNOW IF THERE’S A MEAL? People like Southwest because you know there won’t be a meal. The problem is when you have to guess.
GB: I have seen the error of my ways. I shall serve meals at mealtime in the future.

And…scene.


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